If Han Solo was a Space Nerd...
Danny went into so much detail explaining this contraption, that I'm completely stymied on how to describe it. An Antrellian Ship Interface System Terminal. The ASSIST. Oh, yes, acronyms exist here too. When I pointed out that Assist has two s's I got a dirty look.

Danny is cute in that slightly crazed braniac meets Harrison Ford kind of way. I suppose the attraction is also helped by the fact that he's probably the only human male within a million or so miles. This space stuff is old hat to him. From what I can remember, he was actually abducted by aliens when he was 15. I think he's some sort of space test to see if humans can fully interact with the other life forms out there. Rather like taking a kitten and putting it in a cage full of gorillas. It either gets adopted and begins to think of itself as a gorilla, or it gets smashed with a large stick.

I suppose the test has been some sort of a success. He's still alive, that is. In fact, Danny is a useful member of the crew, while I am currently just space baggage. Which is a step up from space garbage... my previous title. Oh there was apparently a great hullabaloo when I was scooped up without a permit.

There's only one alien species, the Antrellians, who have the technology to travel great distances in relatively quick order. They guard the secret rather viciously... and therefore everyone pretty much does what they want. For the most part, that's a good thing, as the Antrellians tend to be moral and noble in the best human sense of the word. Danny says the Milky Way Galaxy is on their watch list. There are a few sentient species there, with humans being one of them, but none of them are ready to join the rest of the universe in free trade. So the Antrellians put humans on a sort of endangered species list where no one can interfere or cause undo alarm by invading and enslaving our population and pillaging our natural resources. We can do that to ourselves.

The Antrellians granted the Gaulacgh a permit into the Milky Way for scientific and noninterfering exploration. They did not have a permit for souvenirs. So when they scooped up a bit of space debris, a satellite that had drifted off orbit, they caused a rather large scandal among the community and got their pass pulled. They were banished from the Milky Way for life, but they were allowed to keep their collected specimens... namely a few non-communicative alien life forms (NC's as Danny calls them). I'd call them animals, or plants. Anything that is unable to express its desires using the UTN's (Universal Translating Nanobytes). I told you Danny was a nerd. I can't even begin to explain the two hour lecture I was pelted with when I asked why the UTN's didn't work on humans. That lecture was followed by an hour long explanation of DATN's (Danny's Adaptable Translating Nanobytes) Yeah. I don't think anyone should let him name things anymore. In short, Danny invented a new and improved little micro doohickies that translate anything and everything into anything and everything and back again.

DATN's work very much the same way that UTN's work - by floating around like little cells in your body, attaching themselves to nerve endings and parts of your brain, fooling you into believe that the alien you're conversing with is actually speaking in intelligible English, which considering some of the aliens around here don't have tongues, or even mouths, is quite a feat. DATN's are much better than UTN's... or at least that's what Danny assures me, though I think he's probably biased.

So anyway, the Gaulacgh were shipped back to their own part of the universe with a slap on the wrist, but their space garbage still in tow. On further inspection, they found that of the twelve capsules, only three had not been damaged. Of those three, only one survived the reanimation. That was me... but since UTN's don't work on humans, the Gaulacgh classified me as an NC. And that's basically the story of how I became the pet of an alien species.
- posted by omouse @ 3/18/2004